You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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