my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize