Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
