Just fell off a train. Bad.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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