Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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