I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
