Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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