It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
