she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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