I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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