I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize