I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
