Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
