My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
