I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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