I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
