i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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