I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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