I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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