So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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