Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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