I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
