12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
