I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
