Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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