I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
