I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
