My hand turned me down
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
