My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
