I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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