So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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