turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
