it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
