i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize