I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
