is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
