Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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