remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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