the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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