You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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