the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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