He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
