I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
