If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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