mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So many bounce houses so little time
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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