Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
