my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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