I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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