I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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