I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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