she was so not down for the gang bang
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
