dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
