i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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