well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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