and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
