I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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