is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
