I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
