Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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