just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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