I'm going to jail i love you
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
