We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
