Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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