i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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