In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize