i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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