We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
